The Morning After Usually Sucks
by Konstantinsen
Summary: Ozpin starts off his day as headmaster of a prestigious, respectable, and disciplined academy knowing that the previous night, his students hosted quite the party. He let them have their fun. A little too much fun, however.
1. Chapter 1

The sun rose over Beacon, its soothing rays beaming through the glass into the dorm rooms to herald the new day. Birds chirped, early risers stretched out of their beds, and screams filtered through team RWBY's door.

Meanwhile, Ozpin poured himself his first mug of hot coffee for the morning while he adjusted his glasses to survey the carnage wrought upon his office.

* * *

"Jaune!?"

"Ruby!?"

Jaune panicked, sweating bullets, as he held Blake's pillow over his pelvis to shield his sword, ignoring the fact that the rest of him was completely exposed to the elements. At least Ruby had the luxury of a blanket to cover herself up but...

"H-how!?"

"I don't know!"

"What happened!?"

"I _don't_ know!"

"Did we...!? D-did we...d-do—"

"I _don't want to_ know!"

Silence.

"Did we use protection?"

"... What's protection?"

And it was at that moment that Jaune knew, he fuc—heard the door burst open to reveal Yang panting after having run a marathon. Except, her relief quickly transformed into fiery rage at the sight before her.

* * *

Ozpin sat on his swivel chair, casually wiped off the stains on his desk with a wet rag, and sipped on his mug. Three, two, one...

The elevator doors rang open and in stormed an irate Glynda Goodwitch. Whatever venom she was about to spew died on the edge of her lips as she took in the mess that was the Headmaster's office. Her jaw fell slack, then her fists tightened white, until she finally sighed and adjusted her spectacles.

"It happened here, too, I assume," she began.

"It appears this is where it climaxed," he concluded.

"It would've been better if you worded that differently." Glynda averted her gaze only to have her sights land on the discarded piece of cloth, juices oozing out of its fabric, in the corner. "Dear me..."

"Give them an hour before calling them up."

She made her way to the coffee maker on the side and already made herself her first morning brew. "Agreed." They did hear the screams and the subsequent blasts after all.

* * *

Breakfast was awkward. Painfully silent. It could have been normal had it not been for the fact that Yang was eyeing her fellow blonde with restrained fury—having already crumpled three metal plates and thirty pounds of food in her hands—while Pyrrha appeared worrisomely forlorn and distant.

It was the weekend so there were no classes today. Barring the mountain of homework that was due Monday, there was not much to do but rest and relax. It had been a tiring (hellish) week (month), after all. And with the crazy party hosted by the upperclassmen the previous night as a treat to all the other students for their hard work, it felt sufficient to have this day spent either nursing the hangovers or sleeping in.

Which pretty much explained why team RWBY were scattered all over the campus come the break of dawn. Weiss and Blake came to by the poolside with nothing but party hats to protect whatever modesty they had left with while Yang had woken up in team CRDL's room with the said team lying bruised, blue, and beaten unconscious underneath her.

"So...anything new?" Ruby croaked.

"Yeah. Pretty sure I'll be changing the sheets, don't you think?" Yang seethed, reducing another spoon to paperclips in her grip.

"Oh. My. God." Nora started. "Did you use protection?"

"Nora!"

"Just curious, Renny!"

"That's very inappropriate!" Weiss barked, trying to rein in some sense of control. "Why on Remnant are we still talking about this? Matters like these are not proper for breakfast!" She threw a harder glare on her partner who only shrunk into her seat, cookies and milk untouched while her head dipped to let loose strands of her hair run down her face.

Meanwhile, Blake threw her a worried glance at Pyrrha from behind her book. The champion had been far too reserved, poking at her bread and butter while a metaphorical rain cloud unleashed a torrent of gloom over her slouched figure.

The heiress continued her diatribe until she concluded with, "But for the sake of settling the matter before it gets out of hand, what were you two thinki—"

"Was it your first time!?"

"Nora."

"What?"

"Ahem."

Teams RWBY and JNPR stiffened at the sight of Glynda Goodwitch, dark shades weighing her fierce glare. "Miss Rose and Mister Arc, please follow me to the Headmaster's office. Now."

And to think this day wouldn't get any worse.

* * *

Well, it somehow got worse.

"You seem to have lost your inhibitions the previous evening," Ozpin remarked at the pair of greatly embarrassed and very, very, _very_ apologetic freshmen. "You both recall your academic schedule, am I correct?"

They nodded silently.

"You are both still in your first academic year." A sip. "It has not even ended yet."

"We're sorry, Professor Ozpin," mumbled Ruby.

"That has been made clear. However, I am curious as to how you managed access to my office which I constantly hold under lock and key every night and why you _preferred_ my office in the first place."

Jaune scratched the back of his head, trying not to meet the older man's inquisitive gaze. It took him a moment to find the right words because he honestly couldn't remember. "Um... We were drunk."

"That I believe has also been made clear," Glynda growled, showing them the playback reel running on her tablet.

Both students paled and shrank even further at the sight of their antics recorded (in high-definition) by almost every security camera in the school. Their inebriated laughter, wobbly pacing from one place to another, then Ruby leans in for a kiss, Jaune staggers, they laugh, they make up, they make out, they laugh again, they make out some more...

Glynda ended the feed shortly before after the little reaper's cloak draped off her shoulders.

"Need we remind you that you are training to become the next generation of Remnant's protectors. While such deeds are of our basic human desires, only natural, may I ask you that rein in control of your actions and consider the consequences," Ozpin lectured. "Such discipline is necessary even if it is not outright taught in this school."

Jaune groaned in defeat. "Are we in trouble, sir?"

The Headmaster leaned back to take in a long sip while Glynda waited patiently by his side. "You may return to your dorms. Ensure that this does not happen again. And not on my desk, please."

* * *

As soon as the elevator doors whisked shut, Glynda turned on her heels to glare at her boss. "Really? You're just going to let them loose like that? How can they learn!?"

"It was how _you_ learned."

She felt a strong blush grace her cheeks but managed an even fiercer glower. Ozpin appeared unmoved but there was some kind of smug mirth beneath those seemingly omniscient irises. "Just this once, Ozpin. Just this once, I will let them off the hook. The next time, however, I will met out quick punishment with or without your permission."

The deputy headmistress paced to the elevator only to freeze in her tracks when he echoed, "For a boy of his age, I did not expect such girth and length."

Glynda could hear the cogs ticking in her spine as her head slowly creaked towards him. "I'm deleting the footage."

"You have your fun, let me have mine," Ozpin replied. He swiveled around his seat with a distant look in his face as he gaped at the cloudy sky. "Miss Rose, on the other hand... Surprising how knowledgeable she was of the human anatomy. Incredulous. A brilliantly deceptive façade, Miss Rose. Well-played."

"I will pretend to not have heard that as well."

* * *

 **ORIGINALLY DRAFTED: May 3, 2018**

 **LAST EDITED: May 7, 2018**

 **INITIALLY UPLOADED: May 5, 2018**

 **NOTE: I'm fully aware that this is not an original idea. The "Jaune-sleeps-with-Ruby" trope is common, I guess, so I wouldn't be surprised if I get called out on it. It's been done before so I tried to make my version a little different from the rest.**

 **I just wanted to write some Jaune-Ruby stuff over the weekend. The itch was strong.**


	2. Chapter 2

Pyrrha froze.

Her fingers were locked tight on Jaune's scroll. More specifically, her thumbs hovered over the edges of the still picture of Ruby Rose lifting up her black night-time brasserie to expose a pair of stiff nubs at the camera she held in her other hand while she struck a teasing wink complete with a seductive roll of her tongue.

It was lewd and completely unexpected—uncharacteristic!—of what had once been the paragon of adorable innocence in this entire school. It painfully shattered her illusions of the little reaper. It also didn't help that it was taken off a recent chat log between her and Jaune. A chat which began friendly then went flirty and devolved to downright sexting.

She was stunned. Such language from Ruby of all people!

Pyrrha had only been curious. Her partner was somehow clumsy enough to leave his scroll on the study desk. Ren and Nora were off spending their weekend in Vale while Jaune had gone off with Ruby for their random team leader sessions...

Wait.

Team leader sessions?

Surely, Cardin and Coco would be there, too, right? It wasn't like Jaune and Ruby were the only team leaders around. Besides, Jaune would never _lie_ to her—his own partner—and go philandering off with Ruby...

...and laughing together...

...and getting handsy...

...and kissing...

...and making out...

...and fuc—

No! Bad Pyrrha! That was just a rumor! They didn't really do _that_ at the upperclassmen party last week. That's _not_ what's really happening. It's just her imagination going wild. Yeah, that was it. Yang was only overreacting to hearsay. Ruby was damn well fifteen-years-old! And besides, it was Jaune's business to do as he pleased. His decision to hang-out with whoever he wanted. Yeah.

Like, come on! They had regular training sessions! That was a lot of bonding time in a single week. He has a right to hang out with his other friends. Who were also her friends as well. They totally were _not_ competition. Weiss was an obvious friend, her downright resistance of all of Jaune's advancements not contributing to that friendship. Yang was...flirty...but she was just teasing; she always teases. Blake was only interested in either her books or that transfer student from Vacuo. That left Ruby...

She shook her head. Her eyes landed on the naughty picture. And her levelheadedness collapsed in on itself once again.

Why, Ruby, why? Jaune was mine! I got to him first! Why!?

Pyrrha wanted to cry.

* * *

"So, Jaune~..." Ruby cooed.

Jaune stiffened, the X-Ray and Vav comic fluttering to the floor of the library. He craned towards his fellow team-leader. "Y-yeah?"

"Did you see what I sent you?"

Oh, for the love of— Not here, not now, not today! "Uh, Rubes? We're in the library."

"We're the only people in the library."

Jaune scrunched his brow and peeked over the edge of their cubicle. "Actually, there's a bunch of other people here."

"But they're far away! They won't hear us."

Sweet merciful divines, he swore he had somehow unleashed something in Ruby that transformed the innocent little reaper into some kind of deviant pleasure-hungry seductress. He was starting to regret everything. Especially going to that party upperclassmen party last week.

"No, Ruby. No." This has to stop. Jaune was putting his foot down before it got out of hand.

"But—"

"Seriously, Rubes. No. This is...this is not healthy for us."

She pouted. Then folded her arms. Her pout may be cute (and terrifyingly disarming) to the outsider but to Jaune, it was a common tactic that she exploited to get what she wanted. Lucky for him, he was immune. Somewhat. But still immune. (He almost conceded.)

"Let's not...jeopardize what we have, okay? Okay?"

Ruby sighed. Downcast as she was, at least she knew when to mature. "Fine."

Jaune felt a wave of relief. "Good. Now, scoot. I got to get back to reading."

She edged her seat to the side to allow him to bend down under the table to retrieve the comic. Now where was he? What page was he on? It was that part where—

Jaune froze, nearly falling on his rear as soon as he emerged back out. "Ruby!"

"What?"

He turned away, covering his eyes for good measure. "Please! Don't do that!"

"We're at the library, Jaune~... You have to be quiet..."

"I will be loud enough to get everyone's attention until you cover up!"

"But I thought you liked my nip—"

"No! Just _no_!"

He heard her blow raspberries. Now she really sounded irate. "Fine. You don't have to curve me that hard."

"How do you even know the meaning of that term?" he muttered.

"I'm fifteen, not seven," she snarked, tucking her blouse back into her belt, and picking up a book on the history of Remnant's firearms and flicking through the pages.

Jaune slowly eased back onto his seat. He made to reach for his back pocket. What time was it?

* * *

Ruby raised her brow at seeing how the suddenly panicked the blonde knight was. Which was completely weird. First, he curves her. Then he starts flipping out and around the table looking for his scroll.

Wait.

"Jaune, you _do_ have your scroll on you. Do you?"

"I told you, Rubes, I can't find my scroll!" he nearly flailed.

Oh. Poopy.

"You, uh, you still keep my photos in your gallery?"

He threw her an exasperated look. "You mean all your nudes you keep sending me?"

She gulped. And nodded. This was bad. Really bad.

"Well if you don't want Yang to murder me in my sleep, then help me find my scroll!"

Poopy.

* * *

In his office, Ozpin pored over the first draft of next year's budget allocation. He hummed in thought and shook his head. So many things needed to be readjusted before he gave his signatory approval.

Increased spending on campus security, training equipment, and material resources for contingency repairs? Definitely Glynda.

Increased investment in Grimm specimen housing? Clearly Port.

Increased monthly supply of caffeine? Bless Oobleck and his foresight.

Ozpin picked up his pen and began squeezing in his edits. He made a mental note to consider including psychiatric treatment and evaluation for his students. Most of them were still teenagers. It was only natural to be hormonal at this stage in their lives. Hire a licensed counselor or two, install a lounge complete with cushions and accouterments, offer vocational seminars on controlling one's emotions, define the boundary between love and lust, how to manage a family at an early age...

Then again, there wouldn't be much left for the coffee.

He hummed in thought. Never mind. He could always purchase a new rag or, better yet, get another one from the janitor's closet. The old one constantly left a distasteful odor and was starting to attract flies.

* * *

 **ORIGINALLY DRAFTED: May 5, 2018**

 **LAST EDITED: May 5, 2018**

 **INITIALLY UPLOADED: May 5, 2018**

 **NOTE: And that's that for now. Up until another plot bunny will bite me in the keister.**


	3. Chapter 3

Ozpin had been expecting his guests since the morning after the notorious party. He did not expect them to nearly wreck his office in their reasonably parental anger.

"Qrow, Taiyang, I would ask that you both be civil while you are here," he ordered calmly.

"How can I be civil when my daughter has been taken advantage of!" screamed a raving Mister Xiao-Long. "She's _fifteen_ , damn it!"

"You can talk all you want," slurred a drunken, stumbling Qrow, "I'm going downstairs to cut that prick's balls off."

" _Civility_ , please," the Headmaster worded in a rare authoritative tone that made both Beacon alumni stiffen in their shoes.

"I'm civil. Very civil."

"You better not be in on this, Oz, 'cause I swear to whatever's out there..."

Ozpin leaned back on his chair. "How you discipline Miss Rose is up to you but I strictly forbid you from laying so much as a finger on Mister Arc, much less inflict any more property damage than you already have unless you would be so generous to donate to our contingency funds."

Taiyang and Qrow scowled deeper.

"And need I inform you that I will not be the only resistance to your crusade."

They rolled their eyes. Glynda, they could handle. Besides, as if Ruby herself would stand in their way to protect the guy who stole her innocence.

* * *

Ruby stood in the way of her father, her uncle, and her sister with a defiant glare. Behind her, Jaune wondered if he could spider-climb his way out of this corner while his would-be killers were distracted.

"Sis, get out of the way."

"No."

"Come on, kiddo."

"I said no!"

"Ruby, honey. You need to understand that you've been taken advantage of—"

"It was my decision!"

Crickets.

"What?"

"Jaune didn't make the first move. I did."

Her family deflated. "W-what...?"

Ruby puffed. "I'll show you." In one quick motion, she spun on her heels, grabbed Jaune by the lapels of his hoodie and smothered herself into his bewildered face, his eyes bugging out of his sockets with what could very clearly be seen as shock and awe. He then caught the stunned stares of Qrow, Taiyang, and Yang before he began flailing and panicking and trying to get the little reaper off of him.

But like a hormonal squid, Ruby had latched on in a vice lock. She deepened the kiss, her hands worming around his toned body, groping his butt and even reaching for—and _squeezing_ —the growing bulge in his pants before detaching and glaring back at her family. "See?"

"... Ruby."

"I won't let you hurt him!"

More crickets.

Taiyang cleared his throat. "Honey, where did you learn to do that?"

The little reaper shrugged, her endearing (and now notoriously deceptive) smile suddenly plastered over her not-so-innocent face. "Blake's books. She doesn't hide them as well as she thinks she does."

"Who's Blake?"

"She your teammate?"

"BELLADONNA!"

* * *

Blake heard the rage before her brain registered her surname. With a shiver running down her spine, she sprinted out of the library only to discover a very enraged (and literally burning) Yang Xiao-Long flanked by two older men in the middle of the corridor. Everyone else who happened to be passing by had either changed lanes or turned on their heels and fled.

"Blake Belladonna, you have much to answer for!" her partner declared with an accusatory finger.

The man on her right, a fellow blonde, cracked his knuckles as he eyed her with contempt. "So you're the corruptive influence."

The other almost lost his footing while he slurred, "She the one who gave Ruby the porn?"

Needless to say, Blake never felt true fear in a long while.

* * *

Glynda almost felt a vein pop in her temples as she took in the carnage wrought upon the open grounds of the academy. It took her five minutes to restore everything in its place, her Semblance going into overdrive with every bit of debris molded back into their un-cracked forms, and another thirty minutes chewing out two adults and a student.

"Now, now, Glynda," Ozpin interrupted, casually strolling into the scene as though it were another dull eventless day. "Let us calmly settle the issue."

She frothed. "Calm? Calm!? Look at me, Ozpin! Look! Do I look satisfied with what these three have done?"

Ozpin angled his head slightly, seeing how apologetic Taiyang and his daughter were. Qrow, on the other hand, was being Qrow. With a long sip from his mug, he turned to his deputy and deadpanned, "No, you are not."

Glynda twitched.

"Come now. We have another emergency that needs to be addressed."

She sighed, her temper finally subsiding as she rubbed her temples. "Very well. If this is about next year's budget allocation—"

An explosion tore through the dormitories across the campus followed immediately by the distinct distressed voices of Mister Arc, Miss Rose, and (out of all people) Miss Nikos.

"Why, Ruby, why!?"

"I'm sorry, Pyrrha! I didn't know!"

"Help me!"

Needless to say, Glynda nearly had an aneurysm that day. Meanwhile, Ozpin convinced Qrow (whose drunken rage had long since dissipated) to drag the two forlorn Xiao-Longs to the bullheads for a night on the town (it was the weekend, after all). Then he approached the still standing tree in the center of the yard and called up to the terrified shadows in the canopy.

"You can come down now, Miss Belladonna."

…

"You, as well, Mister Wukong..."

…

"...and Mister Vasilias."

* * *

Come dusk, Ozpin was starting to seriously consider hiring a counselor given the recent amount of trauma and emotional distress among students and staff. Alas, he had already signed off on their annual budget list. Ah well, the rag will have to do. Besides, there was always next year.

* * *

 **ORIGINALLY DRAFTED: May 6, 2018**

 **LAST EDITED: May 7, 2018**

 **INITIALLY UPLOADED: May 7, 2018**

 **NOTE: Another quickie. Wrote the first half yesterday, finished it today. Really, I just wanted to write quick Ruby-Jaune stuff. No major plot, no big story arcs, just random related one-shots that might get out of hand.**

 **I needed my fix, man.**

 **Probably edit this later or in a couple months.**


	4. Chapter 4

**NOTE: Well. This got out of hand.**

* * *

Jaune woke up in a daze. The world spun for a bit with his eyes attempting to roll back into his head. It took him a while to feel the trail of drool running down his gaping mouth. He coughed and a fly dislodged itself out of his throat, hovering over his nose to mock at him before flying out the window.

"What the..."

He made to move only to run into some stiff resistance. Or resistance _s._ He angled his head. And nearly had a heart attack.

Ruby—sweet, sweet, petite, naked Ruby—nestled herself even closer to his shoulder. That explained the lack of blood flow in his right arm. He tried to turn on his side only to feel an even greater weight pressing against his exposed midsection. Blanketed by a waterfall of red hair.

"You've got to be kidding me..."

"Mmm~... Wha...?"

"Jaune~?"

The blonde weaseled his way out of their grasp and pressed himself against the headrest while trying desperately to kill the numbness in both arms. Pyrrha blinked. Twice. Three times. And screamed and fell off the bed after realizing how hard she spooned her partner—and how completely immodest she appeared—while Ruby let out a slow but knowing smirk as she clamored over to wrap herself around him, bare back and shoulders exposed to the equally undressed champion.

"Morning, guys..." she greeted with that deceptive and clearly not-so-innocent voice of hers. "How was last night?"

"R-ruby," Jaune inquired. "W-what h-happened?"

"D-did I... Did we... I..." stuttered Pyrrha, snatching a pair of boxer shorts off the dresser to cover up her chest, completely ignoring the fact that the rest of her was open to the world.

Ruby chuckled. It was terrifying. Psychotically terrifying. "We had fun. Me and Jaune, that is. Sorry, Pyrrha, but at least you got to watch."

The blonde felt the color drain from his face. "Oh no... Not again..."

"Yes, again~... You liked it... And apparently, Pyrrha liked it too."

The disbelieving redhead remained glued to the wall. "I did...?"

The little reaper winked seductively at her. "We've all been our own gynecologist, Pyrrha. Besides, you really enjoyed yourself if I recall correctly. Loud, too. I'm sure by now the whole school knows how you really feel about Jaune."

Jaune felt lightheaded. A single thought stood out of the swirling maelstrom of panic in his brain: I am so dead.

"Maybe next time, we could make it a real threesome instead of a private show," chimed Ruby. She reached under the pillow and pulled out a black spiral notebook. "We even got to recreate at least three positions from Blake's smut diary. And that was just the two of us. Don't worry, Pyrrha. There's a lot of group stuff in here, too."

"Wait, what?"

"Whose diary?"

The little reaper looked at them like they were idiots. "Blake's, of course! She has these really creative ideas in here. And this is just volume one. She has like a ton of these secret journals. And after that, we can go through her source material."

Jaune gulped while Pyrrha edged closer and closer to the pile of clothes on the floor, hoping that her underwear was somewhere under there. "S-source material?"

"Yep. Her smut books. I know every inch of our dorm room so there's no secret cavern she can't hide them in." Ruby began flipping through the pages. "Ah! We're going to try this one next."

Cursive text was practically shoved into his face but the blonde knight could make out some keywords there: _rope_ , _wax_ , _handcuffs_. "Oh no, no, no, no, no..."

Ruby just kept going, sitting straight up on his bed and reading through the entries, her cute little nubs exposed to the two other sets of eyes in the room. She blew a raspberry while keeping up a not-so-playful pout. "Awww~... You won't feel your butt anymore, though."

A thud. Jaune fainted.

* * *

Sweet, innocent, adorable, cookie-loving, scythe-wielding, good-natured, loving Ruby. What the hell happened that night? Because she was never the same. Jaune and Pyrrha collectively shared the thought. The leader of team RWBY had now earned herself a new adjective (and an entirely new persona): seductress. Or maybe 'lewd demoness' was more appropriate but the thought alone terrified them so they stuck with the former.

"Tea?" Ren offered.

Breakfast was awkward again. Ruby behaved like she usually did, though her antics deceived no one. Yang was already wary of her sister's saucy alter ego while Weiss and Blake kept a very vigilant eye on their team leader, almost anticipating something to snap. Nora droned on like always while Ren—bless his skill—managed his attention to all of them and still put in the effort to hold team JNPR together.

Not that they were going to fall apart, no. It was just that Jaune and Pyrrha were withdrawn and perhaps traumatized. Everyone knew the reason but was wise enough to keep it to themselves.

"Ahem," Miss Goodwitch intoned, her presence by their table sending a paralytic shock down their bodies. "Mister Arc, Miss Rose, and Miss Nikos, follow me to the headmaster's office. Now."

Jaune felt deja vu and he was sure Ruby did as well. Then again, the little reaper probably didn't care anymore.

* * *

Ozpin had been staring into the distance since their arrival. Even after Glynda cleared her throat twice and called out his name three times, he still kept distant, sipping calmly at his coffee. Then, before his deputy would snap at him for time wasted, his chair swiveled and he leveled the three freshmen with an even but scrutinizing gaze.

"Twenty-eight students and three of my staff have raised issue to disruptive noise coming from what they believe was your quarters the previous night, Mister Arc," the Headmaster started. "They have allegedly lost sleep over it and, for your sake, I can only hope it would not be the reason for any subpar performances today."

Jaune gulped. "I, uh, it was, um, a long...story?"

"Do explain. I have the time."

If only it could have been as simple as that. Alas, it never could be. Ruby took the liberty of vividly describing their...passionate sessions that he could barely remember...while he and Pyrrha shrunk deeper and deeper inside their uniforms.

At the end of it, the only person who remained calm and sane was Ozpin (Miss Goodwitch was clearly mortified...and probably aroused but she did not need to know that). He finished off his mug. "Would you consider having the walls of your quarters soundproofed, Mister Arc?"

"Professor!?"

"Headmaster!?"

"R-really!?"

"OZPIN!"

"Now, now, Glynda. Matters such as these are unavoidable despite our best efforts."

* * *

Jaune, Ruby, and Pyrrha were both confused and scared out of their wits. Miss Goodwitch wielded terror like no other and here she was, in all her righteous fury, and somehow, Professor Ozpin was unfazed, unintimidated, _unimpressed_ even! Their exchange was akin to an apocalyptic earthquake trying to rip up a stubborn floodplain.

"Think of what's left of our reputation as an institution!" boomed Miss Goodwitch.

"Salvageable," Ozpin coolly answered.

"And what if the Nikos and Arc families catch wind of this!? Miss Rose's protective guardians caused enough damage to level an entire district in Vale!"

"Manageable."

"They could have an _unexpected pregnancy_!" The three teens tensed at that.

"Avoidable."

It was a known fact in the whole academy that Miss Glynda Goodwitch twitching was a sign of the end times. Or maybe it was a sick joke. Regardless, her visibly twitching in front of the Headmaster heralded bad things to come. Then again, they wondered if Miss Goodwitch could really harm him. He was her boss, after all. Who knows what hidden power he had if he didn't have as short a fuse as her.

"If I die from stress, I'm blaming you," she resigned with a long sigh.

Ozpin blinked. Then nodded. "Agreeable."

* * *

For the next two days, team JNPR had to lodge with team RWBY while custodians set to work soundproofing the former's dorm room. Needless to say, those two days were not very...joyous.

On the other hand, Ozpin was unable to deny Glynda the right to deviate from the annual budget. Mostly shaving off four percent from the 'caffeine and other necessary supplements' section to cover for the expenses on sudden building repairs. The four percent needed to be reimbursed somehow. Perhaps, a fund-raising for the school...

* * *

 **ORIGINALLY DRAFTED: May 10, 2018**

 **LAST EDITED: May 16, 2018**

 **INITIALLY UPLOADED: May 15, 2018**


	5. Chapter 5

Ozpin heard the elevator doors open and turned on his swivel chair. Glynda glowered while she stomped wordlessly towards him and tossed a handful of small plastic squares onto his desk. He leaned close and picked one of them up.

"Condoms, Glynda?"

"I am taking precautions in lieu of that filthy rag that you keep on the rack in the staff room."

"That rag has served me well over the years."

The deputy headmistress shuddered. "Context and rewording, Ozpin. Also, I burned it. There were whole colonies of larvae and maggots nesting in it."

"You could have just washed it, you know."

" _You_ wash it! You always use it to clean up after...student 'affairs' and you never bother to squeeze out the, ugh, fluids!"

Ozpin remained unimpressed. "Did you at least replace it?"

"Why would I?"

"You disposed of it. You should at least compensate for loss of school property."

Glynda's irritation skyrocketed to the level of nearly whipping out her riding crop and catapulting her boss out the window. "Don't you dare turn my words against me."

A casual sip of the mug. "These condoms have not come at the expense of the school budget. I have already granted you more than enough leeway to assist in difficulties with the restoration of damaged property."

"I am not everyone's go to repairwoman!"

"We had a solid budget—"

"It was only four percent off the 'caffeine and other necessary supplicants!'"

"Four percent is a lot of money."

She growled in exasperation. "I know you would grill me on this so I drew from my own wallet. Condoms are inexpensive, Ozpin!"

"And unnecessary."

"Unnecessary!? You know full well that our system of Huntsman camaraderie is bound to cause complications regarding intimate relationships! Miss Rose and Miss Xiao Long are clear products of that!" snapped Glynda.

"And might I remind you that in your younger years you yourself had been as equally promiscuous—"

"I know!" The condoms flew out of his hand and back into hers as she stormed off, her cheeks puffy red. "I'm going to issue these to all the students _out of my own pocket_ _thank you very much_."

"If I recall correctly, you had been strongly lobbying for higher wages when already your salaries are more than enough to cover a mansion's mortgage so I find it hard to believe that these 'inexpensive' contraceptives are giving you financial distress..."

"We have several students in this campus who we cannot trust to keep it in their pants," retorted Glynda.

"You know, we could always run a fundraiser."

"We neither have the time nor resources for that. And I doubt any ideas that would come from you or Peter or even Bartholomew would not involve more damage to school property."

"Have you considered modeling?"

"Good day, Ozpin!" And the elevator doors closed. Ozpin leaned back and finished his fifth coffee for the day, making a mental note to acquire a new rag.

* * *

The atmosphere in the team RWBY dorm room was a melting pot of tense and awkward. Cramming four extra beds into a space that was built to accommodate the half of eight did not end well so they settled for extra mats. It took a bit of effort and a lot of lines were drawn and redrawn. It also complicated the normally unspoken order.

Ruby stuck to Jaune like a hungry squid much to the chagrin of a very envious Pyrrha. Blake found herself a reading partner in Ren. Nora surprisingly became the fence that contained the fidgety and overprotective Yang. All the while, Weiss struggled to maintain her sanity in this madness.

It would have been easy to blame the alcohol but Jaune knew that would have gotten him on everyone's bad side. Besides, this was only for two days, right? Why couldn't the headmaster just assign them a different room instead of sardining them with their sister team? Seriously, it was crowded in here and they needed better ventilation because the air was humid.

"Ruby. Can you let go, please?" the blonde knight asked.

Ruby snuggled up closer, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder she tightened their grip on his right arm which by then had lost all feeling. "Why~?"

"Well, I can feel the heat from Yang's Semblance and I'm pretty sure Pyrrha's glaring holes into the back of our heads. I also can't feel any circulation and I would like my arm to function properly, thank you very much."

"I won't be using for the bathroom for a while so you two can go at it in there," Nora chirped from atop Yang on her bunk, herself engrossed in Ninja's Of Love.

"Not what I meant, Nora!"

"That would be nice~"

"Ruby!"

There was a knock on the door and Weiss, slightly relieved at finally having a distraction from the disruptive and ridiculously awkward behavior of the two team leaders, answered it. She stood rigid at the sight of their scowling deputy headmistress.

"Professor Goodwitch?"

Glynda took one look at the little reaper suffocating the blonde knight's limb before handing over a small brightly colored box. "Don't be loud. Please."

Weiss blinked speechless while Miss Goodwitch marched rigidly down the corridor.

"What was that about?" inquired Jaune.

The white-haired girl made to reply until she saw what exactly she was holding in her hand. Then she shrieked and tossed it away. The blonde knight caught it in the air, held up in the middle of the room, the offending gift now plain to see for the rest of teams RWBY and JNPR.

"Whoa! Miss Goodwitch gave you condoms?" Nora squealed. "Awesome! Now you won't have to worry about screwing up big time!"

"Not helping, Nora!"

"There's at least twenty condoms in that packet, Jaune~" cooed Ruby. "We have all night."

Jaune vexedly groaned over Pyrrha's pathetic whimpering. "Someone kill me now..."

Yang cracked her knuckles in response. "Gladly."

And the dorm room of team RWBY came very close to being included in the pending school property renovations.

* * *

 **ORIGINALLY DRAFTED: August 26, 2018**

 **LAST EDITED: August 30, 2018**

 **INITIALLY UPLOADED: August 26, 2018**


	6. Chapter 6

Blake was aware of the quirks of her genetic traits. Her limbs were agile, her vision flexible, her hearing augmented. In most scenarios, these were boons to her survival in the field. Keyword being 'most.'

She had no complaints about being slick as a house ca—ahem—predatory feline. And she almost always relied on her adaptive retinas in any dimly lit situation. For the past couple nights, however, she began to despise her sensitive hearing. No matter what she did, she could never escape the...not-so-unpleasant noises coming from the bathroom of their dorm.

Damn it, Ruby!

It was trouble enough keeping Yang tranquil despite the constant counseling from Ren and lecturing from Weiss. She was sure her teammate was actually more insecure about her own virginity than her sister losing hers. And then there was the chatterbox that was Nora. Only now did she truly appreciate how team JNPR could put up with someone louder than Yang. Agonizingly, Pyrrha had discarded subtlety and was desperately trying to squeeze in-between Ruby and Jaune, literally and figuratively. That girl had gotten thirstier than a faunus in heat.

Oh, and it was cramped in here. Seriously.

Out of respect for her friends, she kept her mouth shut on the whole temporary rooming thing. Sure, it was to 'soundproof' team JNPR's dorm room but they could have at least soundproofed their room, too!

Blake rarely had to wrap her head in her pillow to block out the sounds of things she did not want to hear. It was nightmarish growing up with paper-thin walls back home in Menagerie, especially when her room was separated from her parents' room by wooden boards that were thinner than Gambol Shroud's blade. To think she had gotten far enough away from that...

...but apparently, her own team leader was a closeted deviant!

She was understanding of the deviant part. She was _not_ accommodating, however, of the 'loud' part. As in 'very loud.'

Yang, astonishingly, snored through it. Nora over-snored her on that, too. Weiss counted to a hundred until she drifted off at number twenty-seven. Ren had developed an envied skill of peaceful, uninterrupted slumber. Pyrrha, unfortunately, cried herself to sleep. The poor, thirsty girl.

That left Blake staring at the top bunk. An hour after she was supposed to have gone to sleep. She couldn't even enjoy her books! Forget being impressed with how long Ruby had been running Jaune through the ringer in the bathroom. Can they be done with it already and go to bed!? Seriously! For crying out loud, she needed to sleep!

You know what? Screw it!

Blake plopped off the bed, tiptoeing over Nora and Pyrrha, with a mind to tell the two team leaders to keep it down in there. Even though they were technically keeping it down and she happened to be the only one who could hear clearly the slapping and the thwacking and the whispered moaning. It was giving her ideas she was not willing to entertain.

She had reached the bathroom door with a clenched fist ready to bang on the wood. She stopped herself, however. Her frazzled mind argued against interrupting their fun. Her collection of cleverly descriptive novels clearly stated how much of a mood-killer that would be to the couple: it was apparently a very vexing experience.

Not to mention, Blake would not only be vexing Ruby and Jaune (well, mostly Ruby and the little reaper had become far too terrifying lately when it came to that). If she banged on the door, much less knocked politely, she would be disturbing everyone else in the room. Someone was going to wake up. And wake everyone else up. And everyone would be cross with her. That would suck.

So the cat faunus decided on the next course of action that floated into her sleep-deprived brain: go find some sleeping pills.

Blake carefully meandered out of their dorm room, quietly clicking the door shut. Then she headed down as mutedly as her bare feet could make it on the—for the love of...the floor was freezing!

Anyway, she headed down to the infirmary. It was locked. No problem. She could just climb in through the window. Not the first time she did that. Besides, if the windows were also locked, well...she could blame the broken glass on some hooligan...or Cardin. She was not committing a crime unless she was caught, after all. Basic tenet of infiltration. Or was that petty thievery?

Doesn't matter. What mattered was she needed those damn sleeping pills they kept in the medicine cabinet. Next to the faunus anti-heat pills and contraceptives, if she recalled correctly.

Blake needed sleep and damn it, she was getting her sleep.

* * *

Ozpin took a long, loud sip from his mug.

Today might not be as dull as he anticipated. Once more, he surveyed the damage done to his office, the orange glow of the rising sun shining through the glass to highlight the carnage. While minuscule compared to the last incident, there was one glaring element that made this significantly unforgettable for the next couple years or so: Blake Belladonna.

Specifically, a very naked, very much asleep Blake Belladonna curled up very stereotypically on his desk. From where he stood several paces away, he could smell her reeking of alcohol and...was that ketamine or catnip?

Ozpin, unbothered by the bare assets of a buxom student millennia his junior, stooped down to his knee and ran his finger across a mess of crushed powder. He took a whiff. And a taste.

Catnip, indeed. It was everywhere.

He had to give her credit. As a Huntress-in-training with a remarkable forte in stealth and maneuverability bolstered by prior experience as a saboteur for the White Fang, this particular episode was neither unexpected nor surprising. In the timeline of the previous night, she had to have somehow managed to break into the infirmary, plunder the supply caches for faunus-related medicaments (catnip), go on a bender with said medicaments (catnip), plunder Glynda's secret stash of strong wines (as if he didn't know about it), and go on another bender.

Ozpin made a few mental notes.

One: restock the infirmary. Goodness knows Miss Belladonna, in the state she had been, had squandered a bulk of the school's supply of condoms, lubricant, and leather restraints trying to create erotic fan art of her choice reading material. Normally, that would have been Glynda's problem. Or the nurses'. But given that his deputy's extensive collection of expensive, hard-kicking wines were reduced to empty bottles scattered around his office... Glynda was not going to be very negotiable at this point.

Two: he really should reinforce the lock on his office, perhaps add a security console on the elevator buttons to safeguard against unwanted trips to his workplace. To this day, he still wondered why some of his students would prefer to have their fun here out of all places in the whole academy. It was not the first time that happened. And it certainly would not be the last.

If only Glynda had not burned the rag...

* * *

 **ORIGINALLY DRAFTED: January 24, 2019**

 **LAST EDITED: January 25, 2019**

 **INITIALLY UPLOADED: January 25, 2019**

 **NOTE: I've been wanting to write this chapter for a while now. Didn't really expect it to turn Blake-centric but I'm curious to see how you guys think of the sudden change in perspective.**


End file.
